Glenn Hoddle & Chris Waddle - Diamond Lights single review

Diamond Lights was one of the cheesiest songs ever released partly due to the fact that it was sung on Top of the Pops by two professional footballers with 80s-tastic mullets and big power suits with rolled up sleeves.

Mars poll of top worst songs: 4th C4 100 worst pop records: 33rd Metro Top 10 worst sport songs: 1st Numerous other random polls: Well up there

The perpetrators of what many will call the worst tune of all time are none other than England 'legends' Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle of course. So bad in fact that it didn't even justify a Wikipedia article or a page of lyrics on ANY of the millions of lyric sites - the link below is to a Wikipedia article I hastily made yesterday and i've written out the lyrics myself (loser).

Now why have i even bothered to review this? Surely i must want this blog to retain a smidgen of integrity?

Well the story began in March of this year, where, as a joke, i played Diamond Lights at a party in order to hopefully get a laugh and a couple of lunatics to pretend to dance like the aforemention sultans (or suntans?) of cool known for the purposes of this single as 'Glenn & Chris'.

What shocked me more than Glenn Hoddle's solo in the middle of the song ("Darling i love you! I will take care of you..."), was the fact that no-one noticed! Admittedly i was doing a set of 80s song but it moulded seamlessly into my set. In fact some people nonchalantly shuffled their feet in time.

Forgetting who sings this and trying to erase the image of the top of the pops performance from your mind, the tune itself sounds like any other classic 80s pop tune ticking all of the following boxes:

• Drum machine
• Ridiculous electric guitar solo
• Singalong chorus
• Drummer with a moustache
• Spinning coloured lights
• Smoke machine

Perhaps that was why nobody left the party? Anyway, this tune is now cemented firmly in my 80s DJ set. I challenge all of you out there to try and slip it into your sets without anyone noticing. Please note I won't take any responsibility for what may happen.

Excitingly Diamond Lights could well be making a comeback in the form of a cover by indie band and Spurs fans the Klaxons. There's been no new news on this for 6 months though so either it's a long recording process or they've realised the damage they might cause - originals are always the best.


Facts:
Single released April 1987
UK chart position: 12
Original album: Glenn & Chris do Pink Floyd and other rock legends
More info: Wikipedia \ Discogs \ Lyrics \ Chris Waddle interview

Where i have it:
Funnily enough i downloaded it from iTunes, it doesn't often appear on classic 80s compilation CDs

Update: I've just been informed by gZa that Glenn & Chris reformed for the follow up single, 'It's Goodbye'. Is it me or does that guitar intro sound a bit like the Top Gun theme tune?